lieu: (royal)
E. ([personal profile] lieu) wrote in [community profile] sugarshack2014-04-30 01:02 am

anonymous writing feedback meme


In the tradition of past memes like these guys.

Writers: leave a comment (anon or logged in) linking to your journal or main web profile as well as wherever your fic is archived. List main fandoms too, if you feel like it!

Tags for websites:
to link a dreamwidth account: <user name="username">
to link a livejournal account: <user name="username" site="">
to link an ao3 account: <user name="username" site="">
to link a tumblr account: <user name="username" site="">

reply anonymously to writers' comments and give them whatever feedback you want to offer! There are no minimums or maximums as far as how much you need to say, but try and think about both what's working and what's not working for you as a reader when it comes to this author's work. If you haven't read any of the works linked, this is a great opportunity to discover some new fic!

Everyone: copy & paste the following code to advertise this meme on other journals! (Edit: or reblog this tumblr post too!)

This should go without saying, but this is a meme for giving constructive criticism. That means acting like mature adults. We are discussing author's work, not their personal selves, and authors commenting are putting themselves out there. Be honest, but don't be a dick. Authors receiving reasonable criticism: don't take it personally and don't react with hostility to the person giving you criticism. This meme is to help you grow as a writer and people wouldn't bother giving criticism if they didn't think you had potential to become even better than you are now. Commenters giving criticism: try to give concrete examples and phrase things in the first person. Instead of "this piece was bad," try "I found this piece disappointing because ____. Next time you should try doing ___ instead of ___. " See how much more useful that is?


(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I post anon only on AO3 - would it be OK to link a few of my stories directly?


[personal profile] elizabeth_rice - 2014-05-01 01:44 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
(I'm on anon bc I forgot my login info oops)
Alright, Kate. I really love your fics and just your writing in general, because you write about what you like and I'm obsessed with your aesthetics/presence in writing. You have a kind of style that is very distinguishable, which is very hard to find among the cookie-cutter fics that are made nowadays. Many fics nowadays, I feel, are over-saturated with too many metaphors that sound like they came out of a John Green novel lol and overdone scenarios. Your writing, however, is like a breath of fresh air. Your ideas are also always super interesting and you have a way with fics that no one else seems to have. You have a perfect balance of everything and make everything very appealing for a reader with your descriptions and choice of words.

From beginning to end you deliver through and through and leave me hanging on each word you write, and you've become such an inspiration to me throughout the years that I've known you , and you get better and better each day.

I love u :***

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sharpeningthebones: timepunching at DW and LJ (Default)

[personal profile] sharpeningthebones 2014-04-30 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] lostinthefire and there's a little on my tumblr over at [ profile] feralletters

(Anonymous) 2014-05-01 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
You have some very lovely writing! I like the way you phrase things. I read a couple of the Doctor Who fics and a Hannibal fic, and I think the main thing I noticed was a lack of sensory detail - especially in the Hannibal fic, which was about sense-play, I would have appreciate more lingering on the different sensations.

[personal profile] nyogu 2014-04-30 01:57 pm (UTC)(link)

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
What I love about your stories is they're very embodied. You work with a lot of high-minded concepts so that sense of tangibility really grounds them. I'd encourage you to incorporate even more sensory input, especially descriptions of sounds/tastes/smells - you lean towards visuals and textures.

Your stories work best when you avoid saying things outright. Evocative language and imagery is a strength of yours and you need to trust your readers to get what you mean - all the pieces are there so they're sure to understand. This is a strength especially visible in your Dersecest piece, you really succeeded there in building a sense of mystery where all the clues were there without smashing the reader over the head with what you're trying to impress upon them which you can otherwise have a tendency to do.

Other stuff to work on: making your lines or paragraphs more evenly spaced. It's just an aesthetic thing but it makes it a lot easier on the reader and their eyes are less likely to get lost on the page. Contractions can sometimes be an issue for you (specifically being uneven within a piece about whether you use "it's" or "it is," things like that.) Your sentences tend toward long and complex structures which makes sense considering the kind of sweeping writing you do, but some simple yet powerful and punchy short sentences can really ground the reader and make sure the complex sentences are more effective at drawing the reader along the mind's eye journey to the place you want them to go.
elrhiarhodan: (Default)

[personal profile] elrhiarhodan 2014-04-30 02:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] elrhiarhodan - White Collar
moetushie: Beaton cartoon - a sexy revolution. (Default)

[personal profile] moetushie 2014-04-30 03:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] zeen

The Silmarillion, MCU & etc.
Edited 2014-04-30 22:59 (UTC)

(Anonymous) 2014-05-01 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
There are plenty of reasons you are one of my favourite writers. It always amazes me how fluent it feels to read your prose, your characters are fantastic, your plots are gloriously witty and when you decide to go tongue-in-cheek it contributes to the story rather than work as an added gimmick that'd probably break immersion for me. I love how vivid and engaging you make your characters (there is that thing of having a few defining details to bring them to life that you do so well), and ugh, I'm so envious of your description as a whole. They aren't only gorgeous as they are, but always contribute to the full picture as well.

If I had to criticize anything, it wouldn't be about the way you write at all; what I'd ask for would be more diversity in topics. You do romance and shippyfic so, so well, but some of your gen stories blew me away and it's such a wide field with so many things to explore, I'd love to see more in that direction, if the fancy ever strikes you.

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Perfect ladies, perfect prose, perfect everything.

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sapphire2309: (Default)

[personal profile] sapphire2309 2014-04-30 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] sapphire2309

White Collar and a smidge of Agents of SHIELD.
Edited 2014-04-30 16:27 (UTC)
thinkatory: ([DW] Listen.)

[personal profile] thinkatory 2014-04-30 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] thinkatory Doctor Who, Supernatural, Harry Potter, Sherlock, MCU, lots of rare fandoms, lots of crossovers

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 07:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh you! I actually read 'bride of all unquiet things' the other day and bookmarked it as one of the fics that I would have to write a flailing review over at some point. I thought it captured Natasha excellently, especially in some of the observations that came through in the prose, as well as fleshing out the events of her hinted-at backstory in an interesting way. It made me wish for a bit more balance in terms of action taken on the redemption side of things, but the scene at the end worked for that and that desire is quite possibly just me wanting a slightly different and more spy-action-y story than the one that you meant to tell.

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[personal profile] thinkatory - 2014-04-30 20:56 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2014-05-03 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't usually read short fic, but I've always just loved yours! I don't know how you manage to write things that feel so wonderfully whole in so few words - I want more of them just because I want more, not because they feel incomplete. ♥ Awesome stuff.
ruuger: Londo from Babylon 5 and the text: "And now for something completely different - a Centauri with seven tentacles" (B5: Something completely different)

[personal profile] ruuger 2014-04-30 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
(I could really do with some crit, either positive or negative, because I have two ficathons due this week and I'm completely stuck)

[ profile] ruuger

Fandoms: mostly Buffy, Angel, The X-Files, The Mentalist and Babylon 5, with some random one-off fandoms as well.

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)
You capture the feel of canon and the characters you're writing wonderfully. A lot of your ideas are interesting as twists and observations on canon - the Inception one was very cool - but I feel like sometimes they don't get driven all the way home in the end. Like, the one where Illyria rewinds the world back to Fred being alive, I'm wondering how that happened, or for the Inception one, where I think a few more details to set the real world scene and build up the background would have made for a nice contrast to the more dreamlike scenes preceding it.

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the_rck: (Default)

[personal profile] the_rck 2014-04-30 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] the_rck or my website:

Lots of Weiss Kreuz, several Chronicles of Narnia and an assortment of other (mostly Yuletide size) fandoms. I have two crossovers with Doctor Who (1963). I've remixed Naruto twice and Harry Potter once.

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I think dialogue is definitely one of your strengths, it feels natural, progresses in a way that doesn't feel forced and just works. You mostly write about two characters bouncing off each other and figuring each other out, but it's great when you do and you know how to hold tension, make it interesting by letting what goes on inside them come out through interaction. I don't know if you would agree with me on this, but I actually think you're at your best when you write things happening - people doing and talking - rather than exposition or introspection. Also your wrting in general is very to the point, which I personally like. It's an efficient style that focuses on the essentials and not much else, and I mean that in a positive way. It might be fun to see what would happen if you ventured out of your comfort zone and did even more show rather than tell and spent some words on describing the world around the characters and included/utilized environments in your storytelling.

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(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 07:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I LOVE your writing and look up to you a ton in terms of prose/imagery/general writinginspiration (and am failing desperately at anon right now but that's okay because you knew I was going to do this anyway). You are so, so good at conveying atmosphere, especially a sort of...stark feeling, a sense that things have an edge to them, if that makes sense at all. I also find your writing to be really intensely visual -- which is always neat for me to read, as someone who isn't very visually-oriented at all -- and the way you use imagery, where it's fairly concrete but always a little surprising/unexpected in the associations it draws, that blows me away every time I read anything you've written. It might be interesting to see you do something faster-paced or more dialogue-focused at some point; you're not bad at dialogue at all, but more of an interplay of talking/doing among the describing/feeling could create something really fun. In general, though, jeez, you are a dang good writer.

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storms: ([asoiaf] in sheep's clothing)

[personal profile] storms 2014-04-30 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] mautadite

asoiaf, a:tla, sleepy hollow, etc.

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)

really prolific, strong voice, you write with so much compassion and insight to the characters and your stories often include a lot of different settings and situations. there's some real variety. your prose is... i think thoughtful, is the word i'm looking for, deceptively detached, it relays events and interactions very calmly and correctly and then sneaks up on you the suckerpunch lines that brings everything full circle and emotional impact is go. you're just very good at the writing craft. you adapt your prose enough to make me feel that i'm truly with the poc character, but you keep it very distinctly you through it all anyhow. i've been following you and your writing for years now (oooh who is this mystery anon, who can it BE) and you keep getting better and better. you're good, you're just very, very good.
hokuton_punch: A 40s-era picture of a muscular woman, captioned "Hell yes, I wrote that!" (fireriven writing pride)

[personal profile] hokuton_punch 2014-04-30 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] Hokuto - Naruto, Marathon, Doctor Who, Utena, Kingdom Hearts/FF7, and a lot of one-shots in a wide range of fandoms. Feel free to be cruel!

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I can't quite explain what I like about your writing, but I do like it. Everything just feels vibrant and full of life.
radialarch: (Default)

[personal profile] radialarch 2014-04-30 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] radialarch, hello *waves*

Mostly BBC Sherlock; some WTNV, CBS Elementary, Captain America (movies). Any crit is good crit ♥

(Anonymous) 2014-05-01 10:15 am (UTC)(link)
oho, I love your style! it's just so beautifully restrained, which I think works very well for angst. and I really admire your craftsmanship - I look at one of your sentences and can almost see how many words you must have chipped away to get it so precise.

my only suggestion (and it's probably not a particularly intelligent one, so apologies) is that I really want to see you cut loose. I think you're capable of a greater range of styles, and I'd love to see you play about with them. I have this weird sort of instinct that you could write some very strange/funny/heartbreaking stories in first person, with mad rambling and sharp observations. Or epistolary!

I also think it might help with writing longer fics (if that's even something you're interested in). I think that your writing is so taut that it's difficult to sustain across a longer piece, and would work well in contrast with some more relaxed sections.

so, love your writing, look forward to seeing what else you write in the future!

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[personal profile] radialarch - 2014-05-01 21:42 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] Anarhichas

For SNK fic! And one Hobbit fic.

(Anonymous) 2014-04-30 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Concrit is for 'Expello'

One of the first things I notice about a story is the opening line. The opening line is, like it says, the 'opening' for a story, so it stands to reason that it's important. It's the line that people use to decide whether or not a story's worth reading and investing on.

The opening line for 'Expello' is: Al sighed again as he looked around the room he and Ed shared.

Not a bad opening, but Al sighing is a red flag for me. 'Sighing' and 'crying' are not only overused in fiction, but they also release tension in a scene. Tension is the reason readers read a story; there's something going on that needs to be resolved, keeping us engaged. And if you release it (especially at the beginning), you risk losing readers because they've unconsciously lost interest. Solution: nix/re-word any of the lines that involves these two phrases.

Secondly, we have a big block of dialogue from Al early on that involves him screaming at Ed about his birthday being ruined. Starts with, "We could go out to for a special birthday dinner like we did for you. Oh wait that's right I can't eat..." and ends with him screaming. I, personally, don't think armor!Al would get this worked up unless he was really provoked, which can't easily be conveyed in opening paragraphs. That'd be a reaction that would take a lot of character/plot development. But I 'could' see Al sulking about it, or being bitter, so maybe a shift of tone would be helpful? I just can't see level-headed Al screaming at Ed.

Finally, the plot twist of Ed's arrest near the end. Plot twists are very difficult to get right, especially when there's no clear foreshadowing of something going to happen. I suggest leaving subtle clues more towards the beginning and middle, alerting readers that something might happen. Things like lingering on a neighbor's frown as she looks between the two of them, or perhaps weighted questions from her ("Don'tcha boys think it's weird you two ne'er have any girls over?") would clue readers in that this 'one' particular neighbor was watching them and waiting to get Ed in trouble. That way, the arrest doesn't come out of nowhere.

Otherwise, I thought you did a really great job! The descriptions are good and there's a clear direction as to where the story was going. Great job!
abluegirl: (Default)

[personal profile] abluegirl 2014-04-30 07:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] abluegirl. Thanks :)
teahigh: (Default)

[personal profile] teahigh 2014-04-30 07:26 pm (UTC)(link)
(sorry, it's an orphan_account pseud since I don't post under this username anymore and have nothing new posted elsewhere.)

BBC Sherlock.

(Anonymous) 2014-05-04 08:10 am (UTC)(link)
This isn't really concrit because I don't know what to crit. I love your writing intensely - you have an restrained, yet brilliantly imaginative style and I look up to you loads when it comes to achieving the maximum effect with the minimum amount of words. So We Go Round the Sun is one of my favourite fics in the entire fandom, and I've re-read it a few times, which is actually something I don't ever do. Every time it punches me in the gut.

I know you struggle with your writing sometimes and I'm sorry about that. I wanted to say I'm really glad you didn't delete your account but chose to orphan, because what you have left the fandom is gorgeous <3

[personal profile] drummerdancer 2014-04-30 07:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] drummerdancer
[ profile] drummerdancer

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
naraht: (Default)

[personal profile] naraht 2014-04-30 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
dayadhvam_triad: (Default)

[personal profile] dayadhvam_triad 2014-04-30 08:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] Dayadhvam

SPN & MCU--any concrit is appreciated, I have thick skin. :)
voksen: (Default)

[personal profile] voksen 2014-04-30 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ profile] voksen

Fandoms: Mostly Les Mis, some older small fandoms.
Edited 2014-04-30 21:48 (UTC)

(Anonymous) 2014-05-01 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
You're one of the most obscenely naturally talented writers I've ever come across. You can make me care about any character you write because you're very aware of their faults, and how to work towards ameloriating them without completely rewriting their personality.

My crit is that some of your work reads a little long, and could be edited into something shorter and sleeker.

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